Blank Spaces and Interim Time

I read somewhere once that the blank spaces in a journal say A LOT without any words being written. So there has been a "blank space" here on this blog of, oh, about 6 months.

So it's true... A LOT has been going on in my life since I last made an entry here, and I assure you that I have thought longingly of this particular blog during my absence from this screen.

In mid-June I learned that my dear friend Lis was dying of a rare kind of cancer that she'd been fighting for two years.

In late June I noticed that my left (2-lumpectomied) breast was looking bruised and there was a new red bump as well so I went to my breast surgeon and (from late June through mid July) went through a mammogram, skin biopsy, an ultrasound, an MRI guided needle biopsy and I can't remember what else.

In mid-July I was diagnosed with secondary angiosarcoma of the breast, which is a very rare cancer that ONLY forms as a result of radiation treatments for breast cancer (which I had in 2002). On July 25 I had a mastectomy and my brilliant surgeon (Dr. Stephen Karp, Lahey Clinic, Burlington MA) got clean and generous margins around the tumor. Also, my PET scan was clear.

I spent August recovering from the surgery, and in late September started adjuvant chemotherapy treatments "just in case" any stray cells got loose before he took out the tumor. The chemo will be done hopefully by the end of January. In March I am planning to have a reduction on my right breast so am looking forward to a better looking and feeling body!

Also, on July 3, my friend Lis died but I couldn't attend the funeral because I was recovering from the MRI Guided Needle Biopsy (not a procedure for the faint at heart), and then on July 15 we bid a final good-bye to my dearly beloved Sasha-Girl (age 18) who had been having seizures all week.

Needless to say, the losses have been huge and I am still processing much of it as the days turn from summer to fall, from light to dark, from warm to cool and cold again.

I am dedicated, of course, to moving through the darkness of life circumstances and feelings to get to the bright side of the road. And I can see, even in the aggravation and annoyance of the side effects from my chemo treatments, that this whole experience is SLOWING ME DOWN. A LOT!!!