Well, I don't know if I did the pausing thing SEVEN times after that last entry, but I did come pretty darned close and it felt good.
Yesterday we went to Boston to get a second opinion about Jeff's slow-growing lymphoma, and the trip wiped me out. We took "The Ride" so at least I didn't have to drive. A few times during the ride, I was able to pause and breathe and be with myself. The whole thing wore me out, though and when I got home all I could do was lie down and read/close my eyes/watch TV.
When I feel like that, the Pausing is more difficult.
So this whole process is a slow moving thing, and I am grateful for the amount of time it is taking me to learn it. Maybe I will never learn it well enough to do it all of the time. Is there anyone who does? I doubt it!
I am just being patient with myself. So far this morning I have "remembered" about three times and I've been up for about 5 hours. But this is progress, I remind myself.
The remembering, the pausing, the stopping, the breathing, the noticing... it's all bringing me closer to myself and to Spirit. And that is what I want more than anything else.
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