By the Light of the Moon

I am noticing that I am finding it hard to actually Stand Still when I have some other big thing on my mind. Like getting ready to go away. I'm leaving on a personal retreat this morning and yesterday was filled with catching up on stuff to do to get ready for me to be away.

And I could hear my thoughts which were something like this, every time I thought maybe I could Stand Still for a few seconds, "Oh don't worry about that. We can do lots and lots of that when we're on retreat!" And so I didn't stop yesterday, not even once until I sat down to watch Glee with Jeff.

Of course, it didn't help that it was raining in the morning and I didn't get to walk with Suzy. Or that I had an almost 2 hour conference call in the afternoon PLUS two vet visits- one with Suzy for her annual check-up and one with Sasha for an ear infection. Or that after Sasha's appointment at 6 pm I had to drive to Whole Foods
(25 min. drive) to get the homeopathic remedy.

Sigh. At least I am aware, right?

Some day, may this all be different. For now, I am just doing the best that I can.

Anyway, on Monday night I was having trouble sleeping so I got up at 2 a.m. (or was it 3?) and stood out on the back deck with Suzy, letting the light of the full moon glow around me. I felt loved, protected, seen. So there was a good amount of Standing Still happening right then and that felt soooo good.

What I love about the longer amounts of Standing Still (if I can do it for a whole minute or longer) is that I feel like I am giving myself time and space, that I am breathing spaciousness into my life in a concrete and visceral way that allows me to make room for Spirit, for my higher and brightest self, and for my Bright Ones, to move in closer to me. It feels like I am putting space between this thing and the next thing, and doing that relieves a lot of pressure, a lot of stress. Am not sure I am expressing this properly. But it's enough for today!

Animals Stand Still Naturally

My beloved Sasha girl really "gets" this Standing Still thing. I can take a lesson from her. Actually, she is more about sitting still, but you know what I mean! There is such a deep calm and stillness about her as she gazes into the distance. AND.. she can do it for hours at a time.

All cats seem to be gifted with this ability to slow way down and just BE with what IS. This is what I am aspiring too.

Even our lovable, ever-frenetic dog, Suzy, who seems to be in constant motion (or wishing she were in constant motion!) will sometimes stand dead still on one of our walks and just look around, until she is ready to move again.

The first few times it happened, I was thunderstruck. During her own Standing Still moments, she really does exactly that, stand still. Nothing else. She doesn't sniff at anything or nuzzle things on the ground, or nudge my hand for a pat.

I am leaving soon to walk Suzy and my intention is to Stand Still, to ground myself in my Center at least 3 times during this walk. And also, to Stand Still before and after each meal today. I will report back in tomorrow!

Seagull Watching

I got up this morning, fed the cats, drank my water, checked and answered about 20 emails, did my gratitude list, got some stuff off my desk and into the right files and envelopes...etc. But I didn't pause once. Nor did I stand still and make time/space for the next thing.

And yet, I am giving myself a big dose of unconditional kindness for what I CAN do. Which is stop, right now, and spend 5 minutes to write this blog entry. Hopefully, this blogging is making me more aware of my intention to practice Standing Still. I did NOT do it at all, all day today, and the evidence of that was seen in a little bout of compulsive eating tonight after dinner. At least I wasn't eating high fat things. Just sugar and salt. But gluten and dairy free, hooray!

Actually, I don't even care if someone else ever reads this blog or not. I am thinking it will help me if I ever decide to write a book about this experiment. And mostly, that it will help me day by day as I try to remember my intention to Stand Still several times a day. Before the next thing.

The other day, I flashed upon a memory from a loooooong time ago. I was in my 30's. I was just learning about mindfulness and meditation and had read in a book about the idea of focusing on just one thing and following it, staying with it thru the breath and beyond.

So I was at the beach in Beverly, just sitting on the stone wall, feeling the calming presence of air and sea and sky. I decided to focus on a seagull. I just picked one of many, and followed it with my eyes while keeping still in my body. It was fascinating. The gull swooped down. It noodled along. It flew over to another spot on the beach. It landed in the water. It walked.

I think I did it for 5 or 6 full, slow minutes. It was so peaceful and stress-relieving. It's hard to explain. It's like, in those several minutes, nothing existed except for me and that bird. It's kindof like I WAS the bird! Time slowed way, way down. I was amazed at how slow and spacious even just one minute could be.

And I am sorry to report that I've never done anything like that since. Maybe it's time to start again, in my 50's, now that I am working with this idea of Standing Still.

And So The Journey Begins

I have the feeling that this is the start of a long journey. I hope so anyway! Not necessarily an arduous journey, simply a journey, simply a journey that is, whatever it turns out to be. I am hoping to be able to enjoy the scenery along the way.

This all began this winter while walking our 7 year old lab, Suzy. I've been walking her for almost two years now, and I've been aware the whole time of her own gleefulness at being outside, her jittery excitedness at walking and walking. I've also been hyper-aware of her tendency to keep stopping and smelling everything known to man (and some things not!). So mostly our walks consist of me trying to walk fast and "hard" ... and Suzy wanting to meander along. She stops to smell EVERY thing... dried up leaves, empty yogurt cartons, cracks in the sidewalk, dirty snowbanks, piles of you-know-what, and God/Goddess knows what else.

Usually when she stops to smell something, I tug on her leash impatiently, or I wait while she sniffs around, tapping my foot, checking my watch, wondering how long it will be before she MOVES again, hoping that I'm still getting a good cardiac workout.

One day this winter, though, I found it within me to pay attention to her while she was doing her sniffing thing. And I thought, "Hmmm... She evidently finds that scummy snowbank fascinating, so she is stopping to explore it and she doesn't care one whit what I think about it."

Which led me to think that maybe whe SHE was standing still, sniffing, maybe I could also STAND STILL, not just in my body but in my mind and spirit as well.

So I tried doing that a few times and you know what? It was a MUCH better walk!

I stopped one time while she was sniffing around, stood very still, and looked up into the sky, surprised to see there a perfect formation of 9 geese, happing honking their way westward.

And after a week of that, I though, "WOW, wouldn't it be cool if I could do this in the course of my daily life also? What if I stopped to stand still several times throughout my day instead of moving, moving, MOVING from one thing to the next with no space in between?"

Thus, this blog has been born! I decided that if I knew I was going to post here every day about one or more of my daily Stand Stills, then I might actually be encouraged to do more than just THINK about it.

So here I go...

And the STANDING STILL EXPERIMENT is born.