Trying Really Hard

It seems that the more I try to "do" this Standing Still thing... the less I can do it, the less I actually remember to do it, the less I am inclined to do it.

Yesterday I set the intention to stop at least 3 times during my walk with Suzy, and then before and after every meal. Well, I did great with the Suzy-walk, but not so good elsewhere. I am wondering if I should keep setting intentions like this or not. Because when I do, and then I don't/can't/won't follow through, I end up beating myself up.

Have been working a lot with self-compassion recently, and it is a basic tenet of THAT practice, NOT to beat myself up, so I am working on infusing my entire life with self-kindness, especially of the "inner talk" variety.

So I think that I will stop setting any intention except for asking my Bright Ones (spirit guides, angels, dear ones...etc) to remind me of my commitment to Standing Still as the practice that brings me home to myself.

And am also thinking that perhaps I need to be practicing meditation for longer chunks of time. Or even just times when I slow way down and sit in my recliner in my Quiet Room and read. No agenda, just whatever book feels good to open right now. Dip in and enjoy. And be still and calm, with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

I would also like to once in a while be able to sit in front of the tv with no other agenda than sitting there and watching. Actually, I did do that on Saturday night. I watched "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" with Carol. And we laughed and laughed. She is a good laugher! An old movie from the 80's with Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt. But I couldn't sit there very long without eating. I know! I know! I need to get out my knitting again. Somehow, I think about knitting but I don't actually DO it.

Also, I signed up for Clarissa Pinkola Estes' class The Joyous Body (from Sounds True), and listened to the first two hour download this weekend while walking Suzy. It is amazing. And I feel the yearning to go back and listen again while taking notes of the things that really stand out for me as lessons right now, in this moment. I feel afraid that I am going to lose these new learnings if I don't write them down and find some way to incorporate them into my life.

HOWEVER, I also felt the yearning to go read everything CPE has ever written, and borrow from the library all the recordings that are available. Such a thirst, such a hunger, such an excitement to know more and more and more.

But that makes me feel frantic and definitely the opposite of how I feel when I practice Standing Still. So I consciously decided NOT to listen to or read anything else by CPE until after I have fully absorbed and digested The Joyous Body.
That feels good and right and true to me.

Also, have decided to pass some of these KaleidoSoul projects on to Kate. That is why I hired her, right? I really have to focus in on MYSELF for the next several months while I am learning to practice Standing Still, and while I am shedding this excess weight, while I am re-learning what my body needs for health and well-being.

I am committed to making choices based on this. And this begins NOW.

Animals Stand Still Naturally

My beloved Sasha girl really "gets" this Standing Still thing. I can take a lesson from her. Actually, she is more about sitting still, but you know what I mean! There is such a deep calm and stillness about her as she gazes into the distance. AND.. she can do it for hours at a time.

All cats seem to be gifted with this ability to slow way down and just BE with what IS. This is what I am aspiring too.

Even our lovable, ever-frenetic dog, Suzy, who seems to be in constant motion (or wishing she were in constant motion!) will sometimes stand dead still on one of our walks and just look around, until she is ready to move again.

The first few times it happened, I was thunderstruck. During her own Standing Still moments, she really does exactly that, stand still. Nothing else. She doesn't sniff at anything or nuzzle things on the ground, or nudge my hand for a pat.

I am leaving soon to walk Suzy and my intention is to Stand Still, to ground myself in my Center at least 3 times during this walk. And also, to Stand Still before and after each meal today. I will report back in tomorrow!

And So The Journey Begins

I have the feeling that this is the start of a long journey. I hope so anyway! Not necessarily an arduous journey, simply a journey, simply a journey that is, whatever it turns out to be. I am hoping to be able to enjoy the scenery along the way.

This all began this winter while walking our 7 year old lab, Suzy. I've been walking her for almost two years now, and I've been aware the whole time of her own gleefulness at being outside, her jittery excitedness at walking and walking. I've also been hyper-aware of her tendency to keep stopping and smelling everything known to man (and some things not!). So mostly our walks consist of me trying to walk fast and "hard" ... and Suzy wanting to meander along. She stops to smell EVERY thing... dried up leaves, empty yogurt cartons, cracks in the sidewalk, dirty snowbanks, piles of you-know-what, and God/Goddess knows what else.

Usually when she stops to smell something, I tug on her leash impatiently, or I wait while she sniffs around, tapping my foot, checking my watch, wondering how long it will be before she MOVES again, hoping that I'm still getting a good cardiac workout.

One day this winter, though, I found it within me to pay attention to her while she was doing her sniffing thing. And I thought, "Hmmm... She evidently finds that scummy snowbank fascinating, so she is stopping to explore it and she doesn't care one whit what I think about it."

Which led me to think that maybe whe SHE was standing still, sniffing, maybe I could also STAND STILL, not just in my body but in my mind and spirit as well.

So I tried doing that a few times and you know what? It was a MUCH better walk!

I stopped one time while she was sniffing around, stood very still, and looked up into the sky, surprised to see there a perfect formation of 9 geese, happing honking their way westward.

And after a week of that, I though, "WOW, wouldn't it be cool if I could do this in the course of my daily life also? What if I stopped to stand still several times throughout my day instead of moving, moving, MOVING from one thing to the next with no space in between?"

Thus, this blog has been born! I decided that if I knew I was going to post here every day about one or more of my daily Stand Stills, then I might actually be encouraged to do more than just THINK about it.

So here I go...

And the STANDING STILL EXPERIMENT is born.