By the Light of the Moon

I am noticing that I am finding it hard to actually Stand Still when I have some other big thing on my mind. Like getting ready to go away. I'm leaving on a personal retreat this morning and yesterday was filled with catching up on stuff to do to get ready for me to be away.

And I could hear my thoughts which were something like this, every time I thought maybe I could Stand Still for a few seconds, "Oh don't worry about that. We can do lots and lots of that when we're on retreat!" And so I didn't stop yesterday, not even once until I sat down to watch Glee with Jeff.

Of course, it didn't help that it was raining in the morning and I didn't get to walk with Suzy. Or that I had an almost 2 hour conference call in the afternoon PLUS two vet visits- one with Suzy for her annual check-up and one with Sasha for an ear infection. Or that after Sasha's appointment at 6 pm I had to drive to Whole Foods
(25 min. drive) to get the homeopathic remedy.

Sigh. At least I am aware, right?

Some day, may this all be different. For now, I am just doing the best that I can.

Anyway, on Monday night I was having trouble sleeping so I got up at 2 a.m. (or was it 3?) and stood out on the back deck with Suzy, letting the light of the full moon glow around me. I felt loved, protected, seen. So there was a good amount of Standing Still happening right then and that felt soooo good.

What I love about the longer amounts of Standing Still (if I can do it for a whole minute or longer) is that I feel like I am giving myself time and space, that I am breathing spaciousness into my life in a concrete and visceral way that allows me to make room for Spirit, for my higher and brightest self, and for my Bright Ones, to move in closer to me. It feels like I am putting space between this thing and the next thing, and doing that relieves a lot of pressure, a lot of stress. Am not sure I am expressing this properly. But it's enough for today!

Ripple Effects

I did practice Standing Still several times on my walk yesterday morning. And I returned to the same little tree and held the blossoms in my hand. They are bigger, fuller, harder, plumper, and I can see little bits of pink mixed in with the green now. Am not sure what kind of tree it is.

This is like a little miracle to me because I have never in my life noticed things like this before. I would be racing around 100 mph and then all of a sudden, one day driving down the street I would notice that all of the leaves on the trees were out and full and new green and I would wonder "When the heck did THAT happen?"

So it feels really really good to be slowed down enough to be paying attention to what is happening out in nature right now!

Also, I stopped one time and Sat Still in my car before getting out and going into CVS.

And then at night, in bed with Jeff, as we were hugging good night, I actually slowed down enough to Lie Still with him and really really feel every part of his body touching mine. And because of that, I could really feel in my heart how much I cherished him: body, mind AND spirit. This has not happened in eons either.

So I can officially say that my Standing Still Experiment is having a lovely warm Ripple Effect throughout the rest of my life. Who knows what other wonders lie in wait!

Slowing Down My Life

I am being gentle with myself. I am being gentle with myself. I am, I am, I am! I am committed to talking kindly and compassionately to myself. THIS is where the change is beginning, not in how many times I stop and breathe before moving on to the next thing. Not in how much fiber I eat each day or how many times I can let go of a sugar (or cheese!) craving. No, the CHANGE is coming closer and closer, the more I am able to be kind to myself. My inner talk is changing, has to keep changing, and that is the only thing that is going to help me to slow down my life, to lighten up my heart and body and mind, and to let go of the extra weight that has been clinging to me for so long. Yesterday I didn't rush around with a long list of to-do's. Actually, that is more because I had to drive Jeff to Merri's house at 5:30 a.m. and I didn't get much sleep and was tired. I actually laid down in the afternoon, flanked on one side by big yellow lab Suzy and on the other side by soft black cat (so much more than a cat) Sasha. And napped for about an hour. Slowing down like that was good for my body, mind and soul. I did do some work, but I also spent some time in front of the tv with the tv OFF getting ready for the Program Team call tonight. AND... I also spend a few hours going through the gluten-free books and culling recipes and resources for this new path I have chosen. Still, I was multi-tasking. Maybe I need to start thinking about single-tasking! How fun/difficult would THAT be? Am reminded of the story of the monk whose teacher told his students to do only one thing at a time. When you are eating, eat. When you are gardening, garden. When you are brushing your teeth, brush your teeth. Etcetera. And that is what they all strived to do. And then one day at breakfast, the monk saw his teacher eating and reading. And he was shocked! He confronted his teacher on this, and the teacher smiled and said, "When you are eating and reading, eat and read." I love that story. And yet I admit, sometimes I use it as an excuse to multi-task. But if I'm honest, I will admit that most of the time when I am multi-tasking, I am somewhere else in my mind. If I am "eating and reading," I am usually also thinking about what's next on my schedule, or I am too focused on the book and not on the food at all. And so it goes. It's a matter of balance. And I am writing this blog to REMIND myself about being mindful. To continue to plant the seed in my mind that this is what I want my life to be about now. I am trying to build a new neural pathway of mindfulness into my brain, and this is the best way I know how to do that.